"If you expect things wont work out, they wont."
I have low self esteem. Years of horribly low depressive episodes have caused me to... well not take care of myself. Now I struggle to find beauty in anything about myself. I try to say three nice things to myself in the morning, but usually by the afternoon I've forgotten them and the negative thoughts creep in. I know some people would say if you surround yourself with people who love you no matter what it's not that hard to love yourself. But I believe you have to love yourself FOR yourself, not because other people do or do not love you. I've been coming to grasps with the fact that some people can't love me no matter what, and that's okay. It hurts a lot, but it's okay.
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”
1 Peter 3:3-4
I still have a hard time loving myself. I know in God's eyes I am perfect, but in the here and now and how I feel, I feel ugly. Then I doubt myself, like my capabilities as a photographer or a friend, or even as a mother. It sounds ludicrous, I know, but I can't make that stuff just go away over night.
I'm learning new techniques to uplifting my self esteem. But I have to work to build my self esteem. I can do that by accepting and acknowledging compliments. When someone says something nice to me, like "you have such a beautiful smile" I accept it as truth. I wont let myself say anything negative after receiving such sweet comments. Another way I build my self esteem is trying to ignore negative things people say about me. But most importantly I make an effort to say something nice about myself. I know I am the only one who can change my own self esteem.
At the top of the page I quoted a self esteem movie we watched in therapy, "If you expect things won't work, they wont." Well, the exact opposite can apply! If you expect things WILL work out, they WILL!
I know that it may seem like someone with such poor self esteem should be the last one giving advice about it, but this is something that I'm processing and I'm sharing my experiences and struggles with you because I want to connect to you, or with the purpose that you have someone you can relate to.
"Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud."
Proverbs 16:19
It is hard to continually see the positive in one's self...it should not matter what others think of us , but frankly at times it does. It is nice to hear a compliment or an I love you ! We all need that...on the other hand to be rejected is difficult to work through...I struggle with that one a lot. I know that God loves me and that my children love me. We all need validation as a person. That our mere existence may set us apart to someone somehow...We can expect things to work out, but sometimes it takes work too ! Your thoughts ?
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