Friday Night

I wasn't planning on blogging here today, but writing/blogging is a major coping skill for me and I've had a rough night. So, here I am.

Tonight I felt myself swallowed by darkness. I was hurting, because I felt like I had been disrespected. After all this time lately feeling pain, I finally cried to God, "Why?" Why does this have to happen? This whole thing, this whole situation, does it really have to happen just because everything, including my faith, will someday be fortified? Is it worth the pain?

I struggle to persevere.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance."
Romans 5:3

I struggle to see the benefits of perseverance.

"As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."
James 5:11

So what keeps me fighting for this... perseverance?

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress... the born of my salvation, my stronghold."
Psalms 18:2

What gives me the strength to fight?

"He will never leave you."
 Hebrews 13:5
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
1 Corinthians 10:13

I know I've thrown a lot of bible verses out at you tonight, but it is the word of God that reminds me everything will be okay. Two weeks ago I lost sight of that promise, but He did not loose sight of me. Here I am and here I'll stay. These words remind me that pain is a part of being human, and it's okay. I've learned that if I persevere it is true that what I'm fighting for will be strengthened ten fold.

Have a good night.